1、
下面是我的两封信，一份是老的，一份是后来看了帖子略有改进的，麻烦你帮我看看呢 老开发新：
Dear Gurkan
This is Evan Jin from Changzhou Guangxin International Trading Company, China.I am very glad to get your name card and write this mail to instroduce our company to  you.
Our company was built up in 1996. It is nearly 14 year until now. We have our own factories for Men's Jacket, Jeans, Kid's garments. Also we have lots of cooperated factories for other kinds of clothes and the fabric.we are doing well in the kid's garments, baby clothes, dresses, denim garments and so on. You know, the kid's garments take big part in the garment market. Hope we can have good cooperation in this area, and do well together in the kid's garments.I am very honored to write you and looking forward to hearing from you.
B,regards

新开发信:
Dear Allison Milgrom
This is Evan Jin from Changzhou Guangxin International Trading Company, China.I am very glad to get your name card and write this mail to instroduce our company to  you.we are the supplier of Target and Walmart kid's clothes.
Hope we can have good cooperation in this area, and do well together in the kid's garments.I am very honored to write you and looking forward to hearing from you.
B,regards

我个人觉得，你介绍你们叫常州某某公司，一般老外都不会知道的，所以这句话也可以省了，公司名放在签名里就可以了嘛，那就再简单点：
Dear Allison,
Glad to get your name card!We're the supplier of WAL-MART and TARGET for Kid's clothes. Hope to cooperate with you!
I'll send you some details in a separate mail. Thank you!
Kind regards,
Evan
Changzhou *** Co., Ltd.
Tel:
Fax:
Mail:   
然后写第二封邮件，补充你们的一些优势产品，甚至可以部分报价，然后告诉客人，沃尔玛问你们采购什么，target问你们买什么，你们的优势在哪里。

可以加一些图片之类的资料，但是尽量小一点。为什么要分两封邮件写，就是怕第一封里面加东西会被服务器拦截，但是你分开写，而且第一封邮件里注明，details会给他另外一封邮件，那客人就会知道，如果没收到也会找你。  

然后再写第三封邮件，突出你们和大买家合作的细节，比如说你们通过了他们的验厂，这些都是可以大大增加客人印象分的.

2、
LZ激励人的水平也是一流的，我每天上班第一时间就来看贴了。我已经从第一楼看到现在，虽然前面有说到开发信的内容，但希望LZ帮我改一下。谢谢。
Dear Sir/Madam,
I'm glad to know you,This is Tracy Lee from GF furniture hardware factory in china.We are the producer of  high quality office furniture , modern classical furniture,metal furniture,eames series furniture,furniture hardware and so on.
I attached our e-catalog for your reference,Any demands please kindly contact with us.
Thanks.Best regards.

QUOTE:
LZ激励人的水平也是一流的，我每天上班第一时间就来看贴了。我已经从第一楼看到现在，虽然前面有说到开发信的内容，但希望LZ帮我改一下。谢谢。Dear Sir/Madam,I'm glad to know you,This is Tracy L ...

   
呵呵，没问题，那我就一句一句分析你的开发信，朋友们也一起看看，是不是还有其他问题。先把你原文放这里，下面再分析。

Dear Sir/Madam,I'm glad to know you,This is Tracy Lee from GF furniture hardware factory in china.We are the producer of  high quality office furniture , modern classical furniture,metal furniture,eames series furniture,furniture hardware and so on.I attached our e-catalog for your reference,Any demands please kindly contact with us.Thanks.Best regards.
1）开头Dear Sir/Madam，最好不要这样写，如果知道客人名字，最好把名字写上，会给他一种尊重的感觉。即便实在不知道名字，知道对方是男是女也行啊，最好就是写Dear sir或Dear madam，这样也会舒服点。如果连对方男女都不好判断，那就写Dear Sir or Madam, 最好不要出现"/"这个符号，客人更容易觉得这是封群发的模板邮件。

2）I'm glad to know you. 这句话是有问题的，我知道你想表达的意思，但是这句是典型的Chinglish，就是中国式英文，你根据中文的意思字面翻译的，但是这句话不这样说，不能说表达有错，只能说表达不地道！我相信你从来不会从欧美客人的邮件里发现这句话的。如果你见过这个客人，可以说“Glad to see you in Shenzhen.”或“Glad to see you in Canton Fair”，或者 “Thank you for visiting our company!”等等表达方式，或者干脆用"Glad to write to you!"，尽量用欧美人的寒暄方式，不要用中国式问候硬翻成英文，很别扭的。

3）This is Tracy Lee from GF furniture hardware factory in china. 这句话没错，但是为了突出工厂，最好写成GF Furniture Hardware Factory.

4）We are the producer of  high quality office furniture, modern classical furniture, metal furniture, eames series furniture, furniture hardware and so on. 这句话是不是有点长？如果要写长句，最好用一下从句，结构上会比较分明，看上去舒服一点。另外producer这个词我个人觉得，视觉冲击力没有manufacturer强。当然这只是我个人看法。

5）I attached our e-catalog for your reference, 首先这是一整句话，最后要用句号，不是逗号。还有，你邮件里第一人称太多了，先是I，再是We，现在又是I开头的句子，句型太单调了，会让看的人觉得很无聊。如果换成"Attached our e-catalogue for your reference!"或者"Enclosed our e-catalogue for your review!"是不是会稍微好一点？

6）Any demands please kindly contact with us. 一开始就谈“需求”是不是太直接了？如果换成有任何问题，请随时联系我们，会不会更加委婉一些？

   好了，根据以上的分析，我重新写一下，看看是不是比原文有一点进步了：
Dear Sir or Madam,
Glad to write to you! This is Tracy Lee from GF Furniture Hardware Factory in China. We're the MANUFACTURER of high quality furniture with competitive price! Such as office furniture, modern classic furniture, metal furniture, hardwares, etc.
Attached our e-catalogue for your reference! Quotation sheet will be provided at once if needed.
Any questions, pls do not hesitate to contact me.
Thank you!Best regards,
Tracy Lee

3、
强力支持楼主的贴！我第一个晒自己的开发信，请楼主指点
Dear sirs:
From the internet, we get your company name. What I want is just to see that if we have the chance to cooperation in the near future or not.We are a factory of fiberglass in China and our main product is chopped strand mat (CSM) and stitch chopped strand mat and etc.We have been in the field for many years. I can give you the CSM in very competitive price and higher quality.
If you need more information, please go to our website：www.fiberglassproducer.comI wonder if you need this product; if you are interested in our products, please kindly return this mail.Maybe now you have regular business partner。if so，please leave my message in your email box，maybe someday it will be useful。
If you need the price to compare with your partner gives, welcome!
Yours sincerely
Jack

很多地方我实话实说，你千万别介意啊！我个人认为，你的开发信有以下几个问题：
1）文字太长，很难扫一眼就看明白，至少要花10多秒钟时间来看。而一般老外看邮件通常就是3秒扫一眼，然后决定邮件的命运。可以把它删减一下，突出重点就可以了。

2）From the internet这句不好，给客人感觉你就像是个搞推销的。其实你没收到客人主动的询盘，开发信最好写的“含糊”一点，不要说“我从哪里哪里得到你的信息”，这点和外贸函电课本上是完全相反的！请大家千万要注意！很多客人对推销信很反感，因为他每天都收到各种骚扰，实在不胜其烦。最好一开始给客人一种模棱两可的感觉，他也记不起来究竟是以前问你询过价呢，还是展会上有见过你。
所以“From the internet, we get your company name. ”类似的话千万不要说！！！说了反而会有反效果。     可以这样写："We're glad to hear that you're on the market for..."， ---我们很高兴获悉你对某某产品有兴趣。    
这是不是好很多呢？客人会想，我是不是B2B上问他询过价？还是今年或去年哪次展会上见过这家伙？只要你切中要害，他回复你了，那目的就达到了！等到你们来来回回联系很多次了，客人知道你仅仅是在网上搜到他的联系方式，也不会那么防备和介意了。对吧？

3）公司介绍太多，最好一笔带过。客人不会有太大兴趣去看的。只有等他对你的产品，价格各方面都有兴趣，他才会要了解一下你们是什么样的公司，什么规模之类的。

4）很多很多多余的话可以删掉的。比如说“我知道你有老供应商，但请你保留我的邮件，也许你有一天用得上……”这类的话都可以删掉。即使你写了，他想删掉，你也不能控制啊。最好的办法就是什么都不写，但是让他有那么一刻的犹豫，是不是先存一下这封邮件。这就是你字里行间需要把握的地方！

5）最后一句话是全文里面最不好的一句“If you need the price to compare with your partner gives, welcome!”。我知道你想表达的意思是，我这边价格很好的，非常欢迎您和别的供应商比较价格。你想告诉客人的是，你的价格很有优势，不怕比较。但是给客人理解起来，就是完全另外一种味道了。   

这是中国文化和西方文化之间的差异，西方人看来，这句话有恶意贬低他人的嫌疑。而且一分钱一分货的道理他们是知道的。专业的客人和大买家都不会在一开始随便谈论价格，聪明的sales也不会在一开始谈论价格，只有当你把所有问题都搞清楚了，最后谈价格，成交率会大大提高。如果有朋友读过Roger Dawson写的“Secrets of Power Negotiating”，就知道怎样跟客人谈价格了。这是题外话，我以后如果写一篇如何跟客人谈价格有关的文章，会详细论述的。   

如果你这个客人正巧做的是中高端市场，你这句话让他一看，就会觉得你卖的东西是cheap item，不是他的style，那就画蛇添足了。更何况这句话有点拽，让人读上去的第一感觉不太舒服。要突出自己的价格优势没错，但最好不要这么直接，旁敲侧击让他明白，反而效果更好，不信的话可以试一下哦。   

好了，说了不少了，下面我会把改好的开发信放上来。
这是我改的，你试着和你原来的开发信比较一下，是不是大大减肥了？
Hi Sir,
Glad to hear that you're on the market for fiberglass. We specialize in this field for several years, with the strength of chopped strand mat and stitch chopped strand mat, with good quality and pretty competitive price.
Should you have any questions, pls do not hesitate to contact me.
FREE SAMPLES will be sent for your evaluation!
Tks & br,
Jack
**** company (这里留下公司名、电话、传真、邮件就可以了，正文就可以写的很简单。)
Tel: ***
Fax: ***
Mail: ***
Website: ******  (请记住，如果你非要在里面加上网页链接，请放在签名里，不要放正文，让人感觉更像搞推销的，不太好。)   

  一开始开门见山指出，很高兴获悉您对某某产品感兴趣，我们专业生产这类产品多年，优势在于什么地方，质量好，价格相当有竞争力。这样就已经把要表达的意思表达出来了。     

第二段就是两句话，有问题随时联系我，免费样品随时会寄来供您测试！既表达了你想要合作的愿望，又表示了自己的诚意，只要您有需要，我们随时为您服务。这样写的就给人感觉不卑不亢，既没有显得很拽，也没有在老外面前矮一截。大家是平等的关系，本来就是相互的合作，找机会争取双赢。这点反而会让西方人比较赞赏。  

   不是说价格低就能赢得订单的，真正拿到order是综合性的考量，价格是重要的一方面，但不是完全的。除了有少部分只看价格的客人除外。

4、
楼主请教。怎么把我忽视了？ 楼主看了你的贴受益匪浅。很佩服你的能力跟胸怀。小弟有几个问题请教一下。望有时间指导一下，不胜感激。我公司是生产具有手机充电 ，读卡功能的手机挂件和迷你U充。要插在电脑里充的。市面上百分之70的手机可以用。是新产品。我不知道怎么找目标客户有时不知所错。因为是新产品。老外不知道这个东西。我这个产产品开发信的标题怎么写好一点。

下面是我的开发信希望楼主能改一下。谢了标题Maybe we'll have a cooperation-A  exclusive factory
Hi sir/madam
Have a good day! This is Rocky，Sales from ShenZhen JeeJa Eletronics Industral Co .,Ltd.We are a manufacture of different kinds of the  multi-functional innovative  gifts in China.,with good quality andy pretty competitive price.
Should you have any questions,pls do not hesitate to contact me. Free samples will be sent for your evaluaiton!
Ths&br,       
Rocky lee

    标题绝对绝对不能这样写，很多老外一看这种“寻求合作”之类的主题，就直接删掉了，连点都不能点开。既然你们的产品比较特殊，我觉得就需要特别加强，以吸引客人兴趣看下去：Re: Mini Cell phone charger-UNIQUE MODEL!!!/*** (这里***部分可以填你的公司名，或者写supplier of 某大客户)既然是新产品，你肯定要突出差异化，所以加上“unique model”，表示产品的特殊性。

    开发信可以简单一点：
Hi sir,
Glad to inform that we already developed a unique model, Mini cell phone charger, which good for promotion!We'd like to highly recommend this model to you, pls have a try in your local market if possible.
Enclosed the picture with technical info for your review. Free samples can be sent on request!
Thanks and best regards,
***      

5、
请多指教！
师兄， ，请允许我这样叫你，呵呵。。看了你的分析，受益匪浅，下面是我的一封开发信，你能帮我看看，有什么问题么？为什么那些外国佬都不回我呢？
Dear Mr. Mukund Kamath,
I know you as Ideal Icecream from indiamart. You company looks fabulous. It is grateful to know you.As you are in the line of ice cream, and you have the processes of homogenization and refrigeration, so homogenizers and ice cream freezing machine are necessary for you.
And coincidently, we can provide various types of homogenizers and ice cream freezing machine for you.Enclosed is the catalog, please check it.
If our products meet your need, please tell me the type then I can give you more details, if not, please give me some suggestions about our machines.
Thank you very much.
Best regards,

现在回你的，呵呵，你那个均质机的确比较特殊，这个行业我不懂，只能尽量帮你改一下邮件了：
Dear Mr. Mukund Kamath,
Glad to get your contact info from Indiamart!We supply homogenizers and ice cream freezing machine with good quality and very competitive price.
Hope to be a partner of your company!E-catalog will be provided if needed. Email me or just call me directly.
Thank you!Best regards,
Mandy
******Co., Ltd.
Add: ***
Tel: ***
Fax: ***
Mail: ***
Web: ***      这样是不是简洁很多了？而且你要表达的东西，我上面的几句话全部表达出来了。
fabulous, coincidently这类词不要用。邮件一定要简单，明白，通俗易懂，连老外的小学生都看得懂。

6、
这是我的开发信。很多时候也是针对客人写开发信，会做些调查。目前是有客户回的。现在还有问题是，我手头上有2个英国的客户，样品我们答应免费给了，可是因为我们的产品比较特殊，DHL,UPS 等不直接走，搞的客户有DHL Account 我们也很难办。现在我是一个人独挡一面，又没人指导，真的是很难。成交的单是荷兰看的客户。
先看我的开发信吧 。

Dear Sir or Madam:
have you ever see the candle very different from the old style ?the birthday candle with music,its appearance is lotus flower .maybe yes,maybe no.let we show you .
We are candle manufacturer was established in 1999.We have got the certificate of ISO,CE and ROHS.We have the patent of the lotus flower birthday musical candle .
If you want to know more ,please see our website www
Kindest Regards
Erica Lin
Phone:
Fax:
Email:
Mobile
   
    呵呵，你再检查一下，你同一封邮件里连续出现三次同样的句型：we...     这属于严重问题了！    产品如果是危险品，或者是带电池的产品，快递不能走，其实有两个方案的。
第一，弄一个非危证明出来！第二，通过代理，先把货陆运到香港，再从香港空运出去，同样是DHL、UPS，香港的货基本是没有问题的，不会被查验。   

开发信不太有条理，我觉得，句型也太单调了，第一句话太感性，怎么看像是搞传销的，商务人士不会这样写的。不过你的产品包装上倒可以用这句话，比较会有广告效应。
我帮你改改看：
Dear Sir or Madam,
Glad to write to you! We're the candle manufacturer in China, and would like to recommend you our special item, MUSIC CANDLE!The one with nice music when using, and the lotus blossoming when appearing! It was our PATENT, and already got CE & ROHS.Please find the pictures with details in attachment.
Wanna know more about us, pls kindly visit www.******.com
Best regards,
Erica Lin
******Co., Ltd.
Tel: ***
Fax: ***
Mail: ***    你看看，这样改一下是不是会好一点点？你仔细看我写的，没有一个句型是雷同的，每句话的表达多多少少有点差异。

7、
您好~~能否占用你一点点时间帮我看下这封邮件，总觉得（with the customers of Vodafone,Philips, Nokia, etc.,now hope to find a way to cooperate with you! ）这句话很是别扭，叫好多同学给了意见，还是觉得不通顺。谢谢了~~
Dear ,

Nice day！

Glad to hear that you are on the market for Bluetooth products.
We, Sunitec Enterprise Co.,Ltd., as a professional OEM&ODM manufacturer for 16 years, covering a wide range of products like Solar-powered Bluetooth handsfree,  Bluetooth speaker/headset, Bluetooth/GPS/WiFi modules,Mobile phone accessory, and already got CE ，FCC& ROHS.with the customers of Vodafone,Philips, Nokia, etc.,now hope to find a way to cooperate with you!
Attached pics with technical info. for your refer., more items, pls visit our website http://www.sunitec.com.tw . If meet your interests, email me or just call me, let’s talk details.
Thanks and best regards!

Echo
顺便还想赞一句，无私的你会有很多福报的！

  尽量少用太长的句子，把优势突出来，我帮你改一下：
Dear ***,
Glad to hear that you're in the market for Bluetooth products. We, Sunitec Enterprise Co.,Ltd., are a professional manufacturer for BLUETOOTH ITEMS for 16 years, covering a wide range of models like Solar-powered Bluetooth handsfree,  Bluetooth speaker/headset, Bluetooth/GPS/WiFi modules, Mobile phone accessory, etc.
CE, FCC& ROHS already passed! We also have rich experience in cooperating with big customers, such as VODAFONE, PHILIPS, NOKIA, and so on. We really hope to find a way to be on service of you!Attached some photos with technical info for your reference.
Should you know more items, pls contact me freely.
Thank you!Best regards,
Echo
******Co., Ltd.
Tel: ***
Fax: ***
Mail: ***
Website: ***

8、
老哥，这是我刚写给英国商人的一个开发信，能指教一下吗？是不是太长了？
Hi Sir or Madam who concerns：Thanks for your concerns,we learn your company who is a leading retailer of contemporary and traditional bathrooms.Our company is specialized in cast iron bathtubs for 17 years.Our company adopted ISO 9001 quality management standards and ISO 14001 Environmental Management Standard.Some pictures in the attachment ,and I recommend you which are luxury bathtubs NH-1007/NH-1008 and simple cast iron bathtub NH-008 Danli.Should you have any questions, pls do not hesitate to contact me. Best regars
我简单地改了一下，你看看哦：Dear sir,Glad to hear that you're the leading retailer of bathrooms! We specialize in cast iron bathtubs for 17 years, and hope to find a way to cooperate with you!Attached some pictures for your review. Please contact me if any questions.Thanks and best regards,***你还是写得太长了，能用1个词绝对不用两个，能用1句话写清楚就绝不用两句，写邮件要惜字如金啊！

9、
LZ也帮我改一下吧！非常需要你的指点！ To: Purchase ManagerRe: Supplier of Deep Groove ball bearing    April 29, 2010  
                                                      
Dear Sirs,                                                 
It is glad to write to you with keen hope to open a business relationship with you. I obtained your company name and email address from the Internet.
Ningbo Fenghai Bearing Co., Ltd. is a factory specialized in Deep Groove ball bearing. Our products had adopted ISO9001:2000 Quality System Authorities.
For more information, we would like to let you know our company web site as below.http://www.xxx.com.cn
Hope to hear good news from you.
Sincerely Yours,
Sky Export ManagerNingbo   Co., Ltd.

      不错不错，你是我看到的几封开发信里面写得最好的了！可以不用改。怪不得是export manager啊，哈哈~     
     我想指出一点的是，老外更在意的，并不是你工厂的ISO9001之类的东西，这些都是虚的。如果你是一个不错的工厂，被哪些大客人验过厂，比ISO重要100倍！     
     如果你通过BSCI验厂，或者Disney验厂，或者Wal-mart验厂，那就把这句写上去！      如：We already passed the factory audit from BSCI, with the scores ***  (BSCI验厂是有分数的，而且德国Lidl指定BSCI验的，如果你分数还不错，说明你的产品已经能进德国主流市场了。相比之下，BV和SGS之类的就稍微弱一点点。)      又如：We're the supplier of Wal-mart, and already passed the FE from them.

10、
我们是一家普通的面料生产公司。现在遇到这么一个情况。我需要推广我们的旗帜面料给澳大利亚的一些公司。我有消息是知道他们有在中国采购旗帜面料。我想打进他们的市场。首先我们是比较专业的做这个面料的，与家乐福，可口可乐，新加坡等发生过合作。但都是有中间贸易商的。这次想主动出击，直接跟他们求购方发生合作。开发信要写的好，我个人觉得才会有后续的联系。希望你能帮助我!这个是我试写的 请你帮我修改下~谢谢，
Dear XX
Glad to hear that you're on the market for flag/Banner,We specialize in this field for several years.We supply to Carrefour and Coca-Cola banner fabric, or export to other countries create national flag, ad flag,with good quality and pretty competitive price.Should you have any questions, pls do not hesitate to contact me.
FREE SAMPLES will be sent for your evaluation!
Tks & br,
Haining
Boyu Warp Knitting Co., Ltd.Vine QianE-mail: sales@boyuwarp.cnTel :86-573-87670668Fax:86-573-87670667标题怎么写好捏- -怎么样才诱人呢

你邮件可以不用改，但是主题可以这样写：Re: Flag & Banner factory/Coca-Cola, Carrefour supplier/FREE SAMPLES provided!你根本不用跟客人说你是通过中间商做的，这个问题只有当客人来你们公司了，当面问起，才告诉他。
优势----必须----突出。。。。。

11、
感谢您的指导！ 再劳烦您点评一下我的开发信可以嘛？
Dear Purchase Manager,
How’re you?This is Andy Wu From company, we are glad to know that you are in publishing industry.We are a printing service factory with 10+ years’ experience in China. We do all kinds of paper books, catalogues and packaging.We are the long-term supplier of Panasonic, Canon, Gree, Etc.As you know, the cost of printing a book with the same quality in China, is much lower than it costs in Australia.
If you have any printing jobs to do, please kindly talk to me for details.
Would you please kindly transfer this mail to the right person if you are not in charge of purchasing?
Thank you!Best regards,
Andy
你的邮件没问题，但是主题要写好！比如这样写：Re: good quality printing service with low price/Supplier for PANASONIC & CANON!!!    Gree就别写了，算不上国际品牌，老外大部分都没听过。

12、
QUOTE:
Dear Manager, Have a nice day.(此句有无必要？)
Glad to know you are a professional dealer of heavy duty machinery.We are supplier for wheel loader, excavator etc with superior quality,  ...

    Have a nice day去掉吧，没必要的。以后你和客人熟了，再偶尔打个招呼就可以了。

   另外，你签名里的export department不要写，最好写你的title，你写个出口部，老外还是不知道你的职位是什么？你到底干什么？这些都不清楚。还不如用sales manager，或sales representative比较实在，让别人一看就知道你的工作性质。

13、
楼主，你的帖子让我心悦诚服啊！呵呵，我新手一名，麻烦帮我改一下开发信可以吗？
Dear Chaloem Chingphimai,       
Good days!        
I am Joyce who works for Bosking Power Co.,Ltd which company specializes in brush cutter,mist sprayer and so on.I obtained your business card in 107th canton fair,hope you still remeber me.I have logged in your website,then write this letter to ask you if you have interest in our products.      
Due to many years' experience and professional product knowledge,we can supply you with good quality products and competetive price.If you have any interest,check our website:www.sdbosheng.com or contact me by E-mail,then I will send you the price list.We sincerely want to establish business relationship with you.   
Await to your reply and best wishes for you!      T
hank you!                                                                     
yours faithfully                                                                           
Joyce
发出去很多，只有两个客户回复还说考虑考虑，我怀疑我的开发信是不是有问题啊？？

    太长了哦，而且从句太多了，第一句里面就有who和which，连续两个定语从句，好复杂啊，客人会看得很累的哦。稍微改简单一些吧：

Dear Chaloem Chingphimai,
Glad to see you on 107th Canton Fair!This is Joyce from Bosking Power Co., Ltd. We supply brush cutter, mist sprayer, etc. with high quality and low price, with many years experience!
If you have interest, pls visit our website www.sdbosheng.com. Price list will be sent on request!
Please contact me for further details.
Thank you!
Kind regards
,Joyce

14、
大哥， 你帮我看看我写的这份开发信，希望能得到你的指教，tks in advance.

Hi Chris,
Glad to hear that you are on the market for stainless steel spinning parts.xxxCo.Ltd is professional at precision machining for nearlly 10 years ,our products covering high precision machining parts , casting , metal parts , etc.
i writing this message of  hoping to establish the business relationship with you in the near feture.For more information, pls visit our wedsite as follows: www.xxx.com.
Any comments , pls don't hesitate to keep us informed. Thanks in advance.
Best regards.
Yours
xxxxxxx  Co., Ltd.
TEL:
FAX:
Email:
Website

   其实你英文应该不错的，我觉得。邮件基本没有问题，只是还可以稍微减减肥。我试着帮你改一下，你看看，有什么差别：
Hi Chris,
Glad to hear that you are on the market for stainless steel spinning parts.We, xxx Co. Ltd, is professional in precision machining for nearlly 10 years, covering high precision machining parts, casting parts, metal parts, etc.
Hope to establish business relationship with you!Should you wanna know more about our company, pls visit www.xxx.com.
Any comments, that'll be appreciated! Thanks.
Best regards,
xxxxxxx  Co., Ltd.
TEL:
FAX:
Email:

15、
QUOTE:
这帖子更的我都来不及细细的看了，大家感谢楼主的话说的实在太多了。。。。。。。。。大家好，我是一名新手外贸，做湿巾和洗手液的，产品熟悉的差不多了，现在每天也都上网找客户，写开发新信，可是一直都没收 ...

    内容没问题，可能是你主题没写好吧。
    我建议主题花点功夫去研究一下，可以这样写：Re: Wet wipes & Hand sanitizer/supplier for Watsons, Wangning, Dear Soft, etc./Free sample provided

16、
LZ能否帮我修改下开发信
LZ你好，能否抽空看下我的开发信呢，不好的地方帮我修改下哈，谢谢了。我们是分公司，没有自己的网站，只有总公司的，所以为了能让客户看到我们的产品，我也放上了可以看到我们产品的网址，不知道这样可不可以?
Dear Sir or Madam,
Have a nice day!I am Jenny,from XXXXXXCo.,Ltd. Our company is specialized in manufacturing xxx, We offer competitve price for quality products.
If you want to know more details,Please visit our web: www.XXXXX.comYou can see our product on the web:http://www.XXXXX
If you have any question,pls feel free to contact me.I am looking forward for your early reply,
thank you!Best Regards,
Jenny
E-M:                MSN:             SKYPE:   ADD:                WEB:TEL:                 FAX:

你的网址整整出现了三遍，正文里两遍，签名里一遍，太重复了！只要一遍就可以了。    另外，msn和skype去掉，专业的公司和客人是不会写这些东西的。签名里只能有公司名，电话，传真，邮箱，最多再加上你的title，公司网址，还有地址。

17、
谢谢LZ的指导 我其实还只是个外贸新人，才做一个月呢。由于厂里就我一个人在做外贸，所以我就称自己是EXPORT MANGER ,这样听上去比较威风吧！ 我们厂是日本的三菱电梯的供货商，可是没有经过 ...

    你可以在名片上印上sales manager，因为export manager不是太准确，老外从来不这样叫，要么是sales manager，或者sales director，或者marketing director，最后一个一般是大公司的业务主管用得比较多。我建议用sales manager比较好，

        但是有一点，你必须对产品比较懂，对轴承的工艺流程、材料、市场情况都有一定的了解，否则写email还好点，一旦当面和客人谈判，一问三不知就麻烦了。客人会从你这个sales manager，进而对你们公司不信任的。所以一定要加强对产品的熟悉，功力深厚了，那些鬼佬怎么刁难都不怕！  

          给三菱供配件，那其实可以在这一点上大作宣传的。毕竟这年头的buyer，没有听过Mitsubishi的估计很少很少。可以在开发信里写清楚，We supply *** for MITSUBISHI for several years! 这样一句话其实很有说服力的！句子别太长，短一点，读起来更加有力！ 

         嘿嘿，再告诉你一个秘诀，为什么我建议开发信写的短一点。因为比较牛的老外和比较牛的公司，是绝对不会有时间写长篇大论的东西的，也不会有时间去看又臭又长的邮件。比如说我要采购东西，我绝对不会长篇大论告诉供应商我要什么什么东西，什么型号，什么规格，什么重量等等，这是不可能的，我需要供应商给我相应的方案！谁比较专业，谁的服务好，谁的价格有优势，综合起来最不错的我就会下单给他。其实就这么回事。呵呵。

18、
楼主，我有一封开发信，请你帮我改改，谢啦！Re: selling the festival supplies    
Dear Sirs or Madam,
We know your information from international internet in April, 2010. Now, I’m writing to you to see if there is a chance to establish a business relationship with you.
When you have a good time with your relatives or friends during the festival，do you want to share the festival mood with them? Then you can try our products, the confetti cannon, the party popper, and party mask and so on. We, the Yongkang Kaixin Arts&Crafts.,ltd, are one of the largest festival supplies manufacturers in China.Our company was founded in 2000, specialized in manufacturing festival supplies to add the happiness of festivals, such as the confetti popper, the streamer by hand-actuated, the snow spray and so on.
Our product hold high reputation by the clients in the world wide with the high quality and favorable price.　If you are interesting in our product, please let us know immediately and we will send the details of our products.We look forward to your early reply.　　
Best regards,
Rectina Wong

坦白说，邮件里面千万不要出现感性的句子，所以诸如"When you have a good time with your relatives or friends during the festival，do you want to share the festival mood with them? Then you can try our products, the confetti cannon, the party popper, and party mask and so on." 这些话就可以直接删掉了。

还有后面我们的产品赢得良好口碑之类的话也不用讲，第一你没法向客人证明，老外喜欢用数字和证书之类的实际来说话，任何提不出有力证据支撑的话他们是不会信的。还不如说一句我们产品不错，价格公道就可以了。另外开头写的太长了，而且这两句话的确没什么意义。

我帮你改了一下看看：
Dear sir or madam,
Glad to write to you!We, Yongkang Kaixin Arts & Crafts Co., Ltd., is one of the biggest festival item manufacturers in China!
Our company was founded in 2000, specialized in manufacturing festival supplies to add the happiness of festivals, such as the confetti popper, the streamer by hand-actuated, the snow spray and so on.
If any item meets your interest, pls keep me posted! Offer sheet will be sent to you at once!If any reply, that will be appreciated.
Thanks.Kind regards,
Rectina Wong
呵呵，Wong这个拼写很有意思啊，似乎只有香港人会这么拼哦。如果是“王”，大陆拼写是Wang，香港拼成Wong；如果是“黄”，大陆拼写是Huang，香港拼成Won。

19、
QUOTE:
楼主你好，附上我的开发信，烦请帮忙修改一下！谢谢啦！呵呵！RE:Wheel balancer and Tyre changerYingkou AoWei Automobile Maintenance Technology Co.,Ltd.Dear Purchasing Manager:Good mornin ...

    你的邮件重复性太高。我不知道你的RE:Wheel balancer and Tyre changer是主题呢，还是写在正文里的？类似的话你的邮件里总共出现了三遍，太多了哦！
根据英语写作的惯例，同样的名词、形容词、副词、词组、句型等等，一般只能在一篇文章里出现一次，绝对不能出现两次的！除非是万不得已的情况下。就像四六级考试，你如果作文想拿满分，或者是只扣1分的情况下，就必须做到这一点，不重复！   

写邮件也是一样的，同样的话出现几遍，是很不正常的，老外会觉得别扭。你可以仔细研究一下客人的邮件，很少用通篇用一两种句型的，形容词也会经常变化，同一个词一般不会用两遍，除非是特别强调的情况下。   
所以通篇都是We'll..., We're...这样的句型只有我们才会写，老外是不会这样写的。必须要纠正过来！要用客人的思维去写邮件。同样一句话，我们会尽快寄你样品，很多人会写We'll send you the samples asap. 但是比较好的写法应该是Samples will be sent to you asap.  

又比如product这个词，一旦你邮件里已经提到“我们的产品”这类话，用our products，那下面如果还需要表达“产品”这个词，那就尽量别再用product了，用item，或者model，或者the ones等等来代替上文中提到的，总之用词不能重复。   

中国人还有个习惯，邮件里喜欢用very这个词来表示程度。东西很好是very good，价格很便宜是very cheap，表示很高兴收到邮件是very glad to receive your mail，等等。同样very这个程度副词也只能在邮件里出现一次的！需要第二次表示“非常”这个意思，可以用“pretty”， “extremely”，“highly”，“by far”等等，尽量表达要多样化，意思准确，但是语言不枯燥。  

我帮你改了改邮件，你看一下哦。
good morning就不必了，你们不熟，以后熟了再说。
Thanks for your time to read my mail也不用了，因为他看不看你现在也不知道，如果没看，直接删了，你就白thank了。如果他看了，并回复了，你再thank也不迟哦~
另外格式需要规划一下，并空行，段落和段落之间必须条理清楚。比如第二段肯定要比第一段和第三段多，否则会头重脚轻，或者是看起来整体不协调。
Dear Purchasing Manager:
Glad to hear that you are on the market for Wheel balancer and Tyre changer.We are the manufacturer of the items above.
Pls visit our website to know more about us: www.yktld.com.kindly contact me if any questions. It is our pleasure to be on service of you!
Thanks and best regards,
KarenSales representative
****** Co., Ltd.
Add: ******, ******, ******, P.R.China
Tel: ******
Fax: ******
Mail: ******
Web: ******   
你仔细分析一下我写的，没有一个句型是重复的！而且都是短句，不罗嗦。段落和段落之间要分清楚，第一段和第三段永远要少于第二段的文字！把签名补充完整，就差不多了

开发信案例22、
楼主，写了封开发信，求您帮参谋参谋！前提是这个客人以前有过一点联系，没做成单子之后就断了，现在我想拣起来！帮看看这样写行不行？尤其是红色的部分，那样写合适么？恳请楼主回复！
SUBJECT:
Introduced by BHi C,Today is 2nd,June.Tuesday.It should be the first day you return to work.Wolcome back.（C出差今天回来）This's A from China and I have connected with B （C的同事）before.
We are a chinese manufactory and specialise in XX ,XX,XX and other products for over 10years.I  know a lot about  your products and we can offer qualified products according to your style with competitive price.Been informed that you are taking care of import vendors.Hope to find a way to cooperate with you!
Free samples can be provided on request.Looking forward to your kind reply!
best regards,
A

1）Today is 2nd,June.Tuesday.It should be the first day you return to work.Wolcome back. 这句话可以去掉，我个人觉得是废话，而且welcome还拼错了。

2）This's这个缩写我还是头一次见到，应该是不能这样写的吧？等英语高手来回答。。。

3）connected with貌似也有问题，如果你的电脑连接公司服务器，倒是可以用connected with。这个用法我不能确定算不算错，但是肯定不地道，你什么时候见老外这样写的？

4）manufactory这个单词其实要少用。嘿嘿，这个词我正好研究过，在国外一般指的是“handmade”，也就是手工制作的工厂。如果你们的产品大部分是手工做的，很少用到机器，那这样的工厂就可以叫manufactory。所以最好还是用manufacturer或者factory比较合适。你说呢？

5）know a lot这句话挺中国化的，英文一般不这样说，通常会用have full knowledge of...这样的句型。

6）I  know a lot about  your products and we can offer qualified products according to your style with competitive price. 这句话太长了，一眼看过去觉得晕，要好好理解才能明白你这句说的是什么。

7）Been informed that you are taking care of import vendors. 这句话也怪怪的，怎么读怎么别扭。而且import vendor这个说法有么？用vendor就可以了。

8）hope开头的两句话貌似是抄我的。既然如此，为什么前前后后其他句型都不抄呢？ 

  点评完毕，下面“美容一下”，看能不能简洁一点，能不能几句话就把事情说清楚。

Hi C,
Glad to get your contact info from your colleague B!This is A from ***Co., Ltd. in China. We're a manufacturer for **,**, **, etc for 10 years. Your products can be provided by us with good quality and competitive price.
Sincerely hope to find a way to cooperate with you! Please contact me if any questions.
Thank you!Best regards,